So is Battleship any good?

Kitsch. Neeson. Skarsgård. Decker. And well…Rihanna. That’s pretty good casting to capture a really wide demographic, right? Tim Riggins, Eric Northman and Ra’s Al Ghul doing battle with some badass aliens? And it’s not like that girl who sang that Ella Ella song or that other girl who’s married to that tennis star who’s always losing winnable matches are hard on the eyes either, right? So what’s the problem?

Actually, nothing.

If you are in the mood for a big booming action flick (and who isn’t in this sweltering hot weather?) Battleship has that action. At its biggest, boomingest best. And for a movie based on a board game this is really not a bad adaptation. At all.

Kitsch and Skarsgård play brothers, with the latter being the straight arrow while the guy from that movie we won’t talk *cough* John Carter *cough* about is the ne’er do well who is always getting himself into trouble. Like that night, at the beginning of the movie when he breaks into a store to impress a girl (Decker).

But all that is in the past. In the here-and-now, both bros are men in white uniforms (and I don’t mean they are orderlies at Arkham Asylum) and their boss (Neeson) is welcoming the navies of several countries on joint exercises in Hawaii.

Oh yeah, around the time the irresponsible brother was doing ludicrous things to impress the blonde in the tank tap, earthlings were tempting fate (and setting up the rest of this movie) by firing a signal into space to try and get the attention of any potential inhabitants of an Earth-like planet they had discovered in a galaxy far, far away.

So during those naval exercises some might big, mighty fast spaceships crash into the Pacific Ocean. And none of those ships bears friendly folk like E.T. or smartass gunslingers like Han Solo.

It is interesting to see how the movie’s creature design team thought human-like beings would evolve in an Earth-like environment. It is also interesting that these fine folk don’t even do the planet the courtesy of attempting to set up a trading outpost before the full on invasion. And the rest of the movie is about things going boom, secondary characters going buh-bye, and lots of high-pitched metal-on-metal whining action.

And for what it is trying to be, Battleship is a fun example of a ‘bring on the aliens, we ain’t scared’ movie. Bonus points to everyone involved in the filmmaking team for there never being even a hint of uploading a virus to the mothership!

So yeah. This is the Taylor Kitsch movie you want to see if you’ve been hankering for some action, adventure and a few rounds of a game I like to call ‘Spot The Bit Part Player’. And if you’re a Rihanna fan I should warn you, they gave the other woman more things to do.

 

 

Elvis

Independent filmmaker and screenwriter.