Attack Alert

Posted on April 22, 2007 by L
Filed Under The Life |

I can safely say that I am now 100% familiar with the experience of a panic attack. I’m sure I use this term loosely - my degree in psychology reminds me that since I did not suffer from any nausea, dizziness or parasthesias during these episodes, it was probably just an intense freak out that I shouldn’t clump with a genuine illness… but still, it is terrifying and I feel like I’m being attacked, so…

It happens when I think about the future, how I’ll wake up one day and no one will want my work and I’ll have to start learning a new skill set while tending to children and bills and other such real life things.

There is no basis for this thought process - my services have just been requested for a new project and it’s fairly early on in my career to be worrying about its end. But the sudden intense bursts of fear are not few and not far between. And I know enough people that feel the same way.

Is it something in the water?

   

Comments

4 Responses to “Attack Alert”

  1. HM on April 23rd, 2007 7:57 am

    Sometimes when in a moment I dare to contemplate how I arrived “here” and “now” - where all the other “here’s” and all the other “now’s” that were just a real, just as felt as this went - my senses are eclipsed by a sort of fear as if someone just tore the roof from over my head and revealed the unreality of everything. That is to say, that there is something so terrifyingly unreal about how transient every thing is. Where did yesterday’s breakfast go? Where are my eyes in the mirror this morning still red from want of sleep? Where did that last great fuck go? And the way it felt to ride a bike for the first time? Nothing imposes a greater sense of fear upon me than the sudden revelation of how transient this very moment, every moment is. Suddenly, I can feel the moment moving through me, flitting away to the great blue wherever the moments go to. The worst part is that even as it goes, you cannot hold on.

  2. tiam on April 23rd, 2007 9:59 am

    as we form a career relying heavily on technology, i guess it make sense to fear that we might be made redundant as technology does… in saying that, a designer that is NOT consistently updating their knowledge and skills could very well run this risk… I love learning and i would get bored if i ever stopped

  3. LS on April 23rd, 2007 7:47 pm

    Here goes a little personal story…
    My first attack of the sort was a couple of years ago when i was into my second yr of college. for some reason, it happened and i tottally freaked out, had a hard time leaving the house, being in cramped spaces, being alone and a general discomfort any time i wasnt sleeping, that is when i managed to sleep well and not wake up with my heart racing like crazy…anyway, time passed, took some medicine and talked about it and realised it might be cuz of my fear of growing older and the responsibilities of life, jobs, future etc etc… After a while i got better, and managed to carry on with everything as normal as possible..until…

    Recently just got a new job as a intern jr designer, and the weekend before i was starting i was on the subway and started feeling slightly panicky for no reason. I got out, and went to eat something and decided to get back on the subway to ‘get back on the horse’. didnt like it too much. Went to work on the subway, somehow, and while coming back i left the train shaking. next day went by bus, and been doing so ever since. It SUCKS. Its like now im traumatized by small spaces because of that tiny outbreak in the subway. I have better days and i have bad days, but slowly this will get better eventually, i know…The worst is the fear of having an attack. cuz from then its a chain reaction…Im thinking it has to do again with the responsibility or something of the sort, starting a new job etc and i just have to figure it out ‘internally’ in my head whats up. I suggest you do the same, talk about it with someone, a friend, relative, psychologist, and eventually it WILL get better. Main thing to do is KEEP BUSY and distract your mind…force yourself, other wise it could get worst…

  4. anja merret - chatting to my generation » Blog Carnival of Observations on Life April 29, 2007 on April 29th, 2007 8:06 pm

    […] D presents Attack Alert posted at […]

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